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01/05/2002 Entry: "1/05/02 Evening"

I had a fun time on New Year's Eve. Shawn and I had some people over and we played games all night and had a few drinks. It was a blast!

On the other hand I've been sick for most of the week with one thing or another and am PMSing on top of it. So the rest of my week was very blah. I really hate the way I feel when I'm PMSing. I get so down and depressed about almost everything. I won't bore you with too many details, I hope.

I still am undecided about what to do about school. Shawn and I had a long talk, and he really wants children. In that case, I want to stay home and raise them. I really don't have any desire for kids and yet I'm not against it either. So this is a tough decision for us as a couple. I did tell Shawn I'd be willing to have one though because I love him and I know I won't regret having one. Of course we would need to get married first.

I guess that is where I am getting a little irritated. Shawn surprised me on my birthday last June and bought me a ring. It's been sitting here since then. I don't know what he is waiting for! I'm really starting to get upset because he is not proposing. He keeps saying he wants it to be a surprise, and yet there have been plenty of opportunities. He knows I am getting older (I'll be 32) so if he wants children he better get a move on it. I do not want to have kids past the age of 35 if I can help it for health reasons. I know as I get older the chances of something going wrong increases.

So we decided I will continue working in mom's store since that job allows me some freedom to choose my work days etc. It will be easy for me to stay at home with the baby and work part-time and I can even bring the baby to work if I have to. I guess the plan is for us to get married, get pregnant, and then meanwhile I will study for something. I can hardly go to school now and get my degree and then not use it right away. I'd like to be at home with our child at least the first few years.

So many decisions to make and so little time. I'm really feeling my biological clock ticking. Shawn is a couple of years younger then me so he doesn't have quite the same worries.

Meanwhile, I am sitting here waiting for my ring.

Replies: 3 comments

Hi Leah! Happy New Year :) I'm glad to see you posting again. I hope things will turn the best for you and Shawn; sometimes it is not easy to take decisions, so I just hope you will find the answers you're looking for now :) Have a good day!

Beatriz has spoken @ 01/07/2002 11:07 AM CST

Hi Leah, Im sure you will get your ring soon :) I know its hard to wait! You should have seen the night we went to get mine, the man asked if I could come back tomorrow and pick it up, I almost burst into tears! I said please sir, Ive been waiting 30 years for this ring :) So, He let me take it home! Im so happy for you Leah, You deserve the best :)

Tammy has spoken @ 01/07/2002 01:35 PM CST

Well, Leah, I dunno what to say except I wish you the best. I really think that you and Shawn making the decision together is for the best...men can be so stupid sometimes in the "thoughtful" department. Sorry, but sheesh...I hope like anything that he decides to propose and make your 2002 a spectacular year! :) Hugs!

Crystal has spoken @ 01/08/2002 09:36 PM CST

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